WILL I EVER BE UNDERSTOOD?

 

“He always chooses something I don’t like!
Why can’t he pick something I will be thrilled about?! Or at least okay with?”
Disappointed, annoyed. Hurt.
“If he does not know me by now, will he ever?
Am I in for a life of misunderstanding, lack of love, even?”

In one of my relationships, these were my thoughts on not so rare occasions.
My words out loud were: “I don’t like that. I don’t want that.”
Complemented with my attitude of mostly being resentful, sulking, and unpleasant. And sometimes, I did not say anything. I cooperated and let the resentment built up.

Thinking of those moments now, I disbelievingly shake my head, embarrassed about my behavior. AND my ignorance.

HE DID NOTHING WRONG! (In those instances, at least)
He was asking me questions! (In those instances, at least)
Where would you like to go? What would you like to do?

Me?
“You choose. I don’t mind.”

I was so oblivious of what was going on. Utterly unaware of myself. I haven’t got a clue what I want.
And so I took the easy way. And I blamed him. (For everything that was triggered.) After all, they were his ideas, right?

If I could tell me back then what was really going on, what would I say?

Use his questions and start exploring yourself. Learn.
Use your reactions and start digging. Uncover.
Use your realizations and start communicating.
AND.
Take responsibility for yourself and your life into your own hands.
Start creating your life, not living the consequences.

Does the story sound familiar?

How many times are your expectations met?
How well do people in your life understand you?
HOW WELL DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOURSELF?

If your answers are somewhere in the “Blah spectrum,”
there’s some work waiting to be done.
Things to be uncovered.
Layers to be removed.

Do you want to know how?

Message me for details. Or fill the application here.

Photo (original): Anja Benedik

 

Sitting and gently rocking

Sitting and gently rocking.
It is an old rocking chair. It could use some new
paint. Nowadays, it seems smaller. Now, when I am all grown up and mature.
Am I?

Contemplating.
Something is happening.
Feeling the sways, forward, backward, forward, backward …
I don’t want to stop. It puts me in such a pleasant state.

Feeling afraid and excited at the same time.
Something is ending. Something new is beginning.

Change. Transformation.

I don’t want to stay where I am anymore. I have to move forward.
It is time.

And I almost don’t want to go forward.
It is unknown.
It feels scary.
It will be uncomfortable.
I will have to shed what no longer serves me.
I will lose those who are not happy with who I am becoming.
With who I am. Under all these layers of paint, I acquired throughout my life.

And so rocking between the two seems like a perfect solution. Comfortable. For now.

So funny, it is fall. Almost.
The season when the summer is ending and that introspective winter follows. And when the shedding starts.
Nature knows no fear. No attachment.
It lets go. And it allows growing.
It grows.

I know, I know.
I have to go. Get out of the chair and move.
I have to grow. More. So, move forward.

Change is inevitable.
Transformation is uncomfortable.
Movement is my medicine.

So moving it is.
No matter how uncomfortable it gets, I will keep moving.
I will not stop. I will not quit.

I know where I want to be.
(Someone awaits me there. She is patient because she knows I will come.)

It is what it is.
And I am allowing what needs to come, to come.
I will deal with it.
And I know where to ask for support when I need it.

Do you?

 

 

Understanding Ourselves as Highly Sensitive Individuals

Photo: Anja Benedik

An excerpt from my July newsletter.

“Today, I would like to share something I find essential for understanding ourselves and for creating the life we want.

Namely, all of what we experience as HSPs (highly sensitive persons) might not be even necessary – it could be heightened due to various reasons; I will address one of them. As highly sensitive, we tend to absorb other people’s emotions and energies, take things personally, struggle to say no, and take care of others to the point of abandoning ourselves.

We often approach these situations from a victim standpoint – from the place of “This is high sensitivity; I can’t do anything about it.” We sometimes even wear it as a badge as in: “Look what a good person I am, look at how I exert myself for others.”

But is this necessary? Is it even true – that everything is high sensitivity, and there is nothing we can do about it? Is this the way we want it to be?

During the process of dealing with my own issues and through working with others, I realized that the main characteristics of high sensitivity (in all variety of ways they play out in each highly sensitive individual) are often intensified, heightened by our childhood experiences.

What do I mean by that?

In childhood, we have two essential needs: the need for attachment (it enables our survival) and the need for authenticity (to be true to ourselves; dr. Gabor Maté talks about it here – 4:18). As a helpless infant (and child), unable to survive on our own, the need for attachment trumps. We do everything our system deems necessary to keep the connection to our parents or caregivers because that means our survival.

And so we develop various survival mechanisms, responses, patterns … that help us maintain that connection, keep us “safe” and help us survive. We suppress everything else – ultimately, we might suppress who we are.

In adulthood we might still operate in that same patterns, believing the same things, having the same defense mechanisms, survival responses, and strategies. We mostly do that unconsciously; we are living automatically in our mental space, ungrounded and disconnected to what is going on in the areas below our neck, where our repressed “past” resides – in the body. We can call all that trauma, unhealed wounds, codependence, shadow, etc.

The fact is, this trapped survival stress, trapped past (in a way), is preventing us from living our authentic life in the present. It is keeping us small, in search of approval, terrified of rejection.

Yes, as highly sensitive, we tend to notice more – including the expectations of others. We tend to feel more – including what other people feel, what mood they are in, what their energy is. Because of that, we fear intensity – it is painful, so we want to keep things calm. And if that was what we learned in childhood, we are wired to notice all of the above even more – because it helped us survive, it is a successful strategy, and the stored survival stress in the body dictates the need to keep the strategy on board.

Being born with the trait of high sensitivity, we probably also have stronger emotional reactions compared to the majority of the population. This might mean that if our parents were not “emotionally informed” if they did not know how to handle their own emotions, they were not able to handle ours and were therefore not in a place to teach us how to do that for ourselves. And so as grown-ups, we might struggle to manage our emotions, thinking it is about high sensitivity only.

We might also not be able to set boundaries, and we have difficulties saying no as well as putting ourselves first to cater to our needs as highly sensitive.

Why am I writing all of this?

To show you the possibilities, to expand your horizon, maybe, to inspire or motivate you, to ignite your curiosity to learn more. To become aware (more). Without awareness, no change is possible.

If you are not satisfied with your life, you CAN do something about it. Only YOU can do something about it.

However, if you approach it from the place of “it’s all because of high sensitivity, and there’s nothing I can do about it,” there truly is nothing you can do about it.

As Henry Ford said a long time ago:

 

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

 

Do you have a comment, an idea? Maybe a question?

I am looking forward to reading them and connecting with you.

If you feel you need support and guidance in doing that and are determined to make a change, let me know. I have a three-month individual coaching program that will address your challenges, show you your openings and opportunities, and support you in becoming the most impactful person in your life – for your life. You can apply here.

If you want to take it slow(er), you can join my free Facebook group. Request to join here.

For those of you, who would like to start with my newsletter, this link will be useful.

 

Perfection. Expectation. Life.

How do you envision yourself further down the road of personal growth? Maybe when you accept everything you are and are not? Or at some other more relevant point for you?

How do you think self-leadership looks like in real life?

For me, a while back, the answer to that would be:
Perfect. (I know)
I imagined (it was my illusion) I would know what I need to do and I would do it perfectly. All the time.
The future was always full of potential to be ideal, but when it became the present, unwrapping it (the gift it was supposed to be) never revealed what I thought it would. It is called reality for a reason.

High Sensitivity gives us many gifts (debatable, I know), one of which is stronger emotional reactivity compared to the majority of the population. One of its manifestations is that we get more excited, and out of this excitement, we have trouble falling asleep. Sounds familiar?

Yesterday I was in an active and creative mood. In the evening I was working on the computer, and it got late. I did know I have to get up very early in the morning, but in that excitement and creative flow, at first, I forgot that, and when I remembered, it was hard to stop what I was doing. When I finally got to bed, it was still not too late. And then it hit me. It might get way later than that …

Having tossed and turned in bed more nights than I would want to, I don’t give up on myself. Not anymore. Instead, I see the situation for what it is. Sometimes it takes a bit of effort to do that.

My mentor told me many moons ago I can take care of myself subsequently. Sometimes good self-care is not possible in real-time, so we do what we can and later add to it. I follow this advice and I use my lessons to prevent future slips in a similar situation. Other times I deal with the consequences and try to repair the “damage” as well as possible.

It took me a while to let go of illusions and to stop expecting a perfect way. I no longer reject my reality and myself when I do something I wish I had not. I take responsibility for it and do what needs to be done to reduce the consequences – in terms of High Sensitivity and in other areas of my life. The more I know about myself, the better I am at it.

In my opinion, this is what life is.

It is a constant growth (if you choose so, of course). It is not about being perfect and never messing up. It is about being real and facing the mess you created.

And I think I finally got that one!

To link it with the photo Anja took the other day.

It is not about not getting wet. Or not getting into the situation where you need to get wet to proceed forward.

It is about finding a way to be wet in the best possible way.

Photo: Anja Benedik

Do you have thoughts on that to share? Your answers, maybe?

I am curious to read them.

You can post a comment here.
Or, if you prefer, you can contact me elsewhere.

 

Yours or not?

I have a strong memory from a long time ago (from high school), and I could never quite comprehend what has happened.

My schoolmate’s brother had died in a car accident, and as a class, we went to pay respect. There was a point at which I started to cry uncontrollably. I did not have a clue what happened, why the intensity, why at that moment. People around me were looking at me, judgingly. Afterward, I was even told a couple of things about why my behavior was not appropriate.

Fast forward to now.

I still cry, of course. I start to cry or get teary eyes very often, my chin starts to shake, and my lips look weird. Nowadays, I have a choice.

Highly sensitive people are more susceptible to absorbing other people’s energy, emotions, moods, thoughts even. Taking them on, expressing them. And although there are a few possible reasons for me crying at that time, I am pretty sure it was the lack of boundaries. Which made me express the sorrow I took in. The sadness that was not (all) mine but other people’s.

The thing is, we can blame it on High Sensitivity. All of it. Where, in fact, this is not the truth. It is not the whole truth.

Yes, we are more susceptible.
AND.
There are things we can do about it.

For me, now? I know myself. I know what is going on. I know what to do. And so sometimes I do cry. Other times I don’t. Not when emotions are not mine. I don’t let them overwhelm me or take control over me. I set boundaries. I take other measures.

How about you?
What kind of a host are you?

It is not easy to discern if something is yours or not. It could “look” so yours.

Take this moth, for example. It is so beautiful, it looks like a butterfly. Only, it is not.

To discern, you have to pay attention.

If you don’t want to be a host to other people’s stuff and need support, feel free to let me know.

Link for individual work with me: https://forms.gle/nzLPBAhQdMhNiN9r5.

Link to join my Facebook group HSP Power: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HSPOwningPower/.

A story

A story.
There were two young brothers, Ben and Jake. They were offered two apples, one of which was bigger and looked juicier and prettier than the other. Ben hesitated and showed Jake he can go first, and Jake went ahead and took the bigger one.
Ben was incensed and offended by his brother’s behavior, “Why did you pick the bigger one?” Jake replied, “You wanted me to go first. Which one would you choose?” Ben was still upset “I would choose the smaller one …”
“I knew that and picked the other one, so why are you upset?” Jake was puzzled.

Self-honesty moment.
How do you find Jake’s move?
What would your choice be?
Would you go ahead and make it?

So many times, we find ourselves in similar situations, and what do we do? We give the power of choice away.

By doing that, we avoid taking responsibility for that decision. Because we could come across as greedy, inconsiderate, arrogant … and then others might not be pleased with us, they might judge us, and they might even not like us anymore.

Too many times, we choose to please others, avoid judgments, confrontations. What we do not necessarily realize is, by doing that, we are rejecting ourselves. We are telling ourselves we don’t matter. AND. We are telling others we don’t matter. Because by how we treat ourselves, we teach others how we want to be treated. And then we are insulted, hurt, feel resentment when they go ahead and make their choices.

Showing yourself that you matter is uncomfortable. And absolutely necessary to live a healthy and fulfilled life. Because life starts expanding when you start making uncomfortable choices.

Are you not satisfied with your life?
You might start thinking about different kinds of choices.

If you feel you need support and guidance in doing that and are determined to make a change, let me know. I have a three-month individual coaching program that will address your challenges, show you your openings and opportunities, and support you in becoming the most impactful person in your life – for your life. You can apply here.

If you want to take it slow(er), you can join my free Facebook group. Request to join here.

For those of you, who would like to start with my newsletter, this link will be useful.

The choice is, as always, yours.

What are you choosing?

Photo: Anja Benedik

 

Body awareness

#prompt

I invite you to stop for a moment. Pause.

Notice how you are connecting to the ground under you. The contact your body makes with the surface. Feel the pressure.

Notice your breathing. Don’t change it, just become aware of what it is doing. How it is. Where it goes. Nose? Mouth? Shallow? Fast-paced? Deep? Slow? Long?

Look around. Where are you? What is around you? Notice your surroundings. See what is there. People. Objects. Pets. Plants. Nature. Really see it, one at the time.

Do it slowly. Take in this slowness, this pausing quality of your being, of you (just) being.

And then return to your day.

You can do one of the things, all of them, do a combination you feel suits you at the moment.

Do it once a day, a few times a day, often throughout the day.

Play with it.

This increases body awareness, awareness of the environment.

If you practice it in a space where you feel safe, where you are not disturbed by others, it can use as a practice of restoring safety back to the body. It connects you with your body and with the environment.

It works this way when done with awareness.

And it works when you do it. When you practice it.

Photo: Anja Benedik

 

HSP (&) Power

I believe a lot of HSPs feel like victims.
Of their High Sensitivity, circumstances, environment, society, relationships, other people … but most of all, victims of their own “powerlessness.”

When you realize you DO HAVE the power – however limited it may appear to be – it can change the world for you.

When you decide you matter TO YOU, you can start using your power to support your life.

Power as the ability to influence yourself, your life.
It is the will behind what you do to use that influence.
It is the love underneath your determination that you will provide for yourself what you need. That you will allow yourself to be who you are. And that you will stop holding yourself back.
It is the potent energy you feel when you show yourself you (can) have your back.
It is the freedom you experience when you become aware of the fact you can do that over and over again.
And it is a relief that comes when you realize all of it lies in the choices you make. Every. Single. Moment.

Your power and your freedom lie in two simple words.

CHOOSE. AGAIN.

Because you know no matter what happens, you have a choice.
To use your power or to give it away.
To someone. To something.

But you know better.
You know your choice is to keep the power and use it.
And you also know that if you slip, it is not over.
You have those two words, and you use them.
And you choose again.

YOU CHOOSE YOU.

I never thought it would be like this. Or that it would go like this.
But it is. It does.

I was searching for a magic wand.
Until I realized – I AM the magic wand.
And guess what makes this magic wand swing and spread that magic dust?
You guessed right. My choices.

 

WHAT ARE YOU CHOOSING?

 

Photo: Anja Benedik

 

Perspectives, Paradigms

We can look at things the way we have been taught, the way we are used to – the conventional way.

But sometimes, if we dare to do things differently, we can find a whole new world. Something that might resonate with us more. Something that might make a shift inside and change the course of our life. For the better.

Maybe it won’t feel right at first – because it’s not familiar. And yet, we sense there is something about it that speaks to us.

Our Comfort Zone is not about comfort. It is about familiarity. We find things “comfortable” because they are familiar. Does “Better the devil you know” ring a bell?

It is outside of that that we find growth, expansion, freedom. This different way leads us out of what we know, yet also within ourselves. We meet ourselves along the way, and we learn more about who we are.

What is your intention for your life?

Same old, same old or are you open to life?

For those of you who chose the second option – two possibilities:

Facebook group HSPPower: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HSPOwningPower/

Individual work with me: https://forms.gle/v4LSeJDigLPRK2Re6

 

 

A conversation about High Sensitivity

 

This is an edited transcript of a conversation you can find on my Youtube channel (here). 

In the video, my friend and fellow coach, Margy Evans, and I talk about high sensitivity, characteristics; we even touch upon change and relationships a bit.

 

Margy:

Hello, I am Margy Evans, a life coach who works with individuals around the world, and I am joined by a dear friend today who will share with us about her work with highly sensitive people. Why don’t you go ahead and kick it off with an introduction and a little bit about what you do?

Manca:

OK. Hi, hello. Hi Margy. My name is Manca Klinar, I live in Slovenia, and as Margy mentioned, I work with highly sensitive people. I am a life coach, a whole person life coach for highly sensitive women.

And I also educate about high sensitivity whenever I get the chance – that would be the most accurate description. I also channel higher consciousness, I am a curious person, and I like to learn and gain new knowledge so I can combine everything and look at things in a holistic way and from different perspectives.

Margy:

It’s wonderful. So, tell me more about highly sensitive people. What does that mean?

Manca:

A great topic. Haha.

So, high sensitivity is a normal personality trait. It’s not a disorder, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with a person who’s highly sensitive, and it’s an innate trait. According to research – research started in the nineties of the last century – according to research, approximately 20 % of people are born with the trait, and they found it also in more than 100 animal species. So they suspect it’s a survival strategy because the main, let’s say, the main tactic is to pause, observe, and then act. So, if enough of the population is cautious enough, the species will survive.

Margy:

Hmm. So tell me about some of the characteristics, because that’s how an individual responds, so, what are some of the traits or characteristics of somebody who’s highly sensitive?

Manca:

Yeah, that’s important, because – thank you – because high sensitivity is not just sensitivity, we are all sensitive to a degree, but for one to be recognized as highly sensitive, it means that he or she has to exhibit, to a certain extend or, in a certain way, four main characteristics.

(3:14)

So, let’s say high sensitivity means a finely tuned nervous system. The foundation of this is the first characteristic, and it’s the depth of processing. So the brain is wired in a way that everything that comes in – so all the stimuli, all of the information – is processed deeply, more deeply and more thoroughly as in the brain of other people, people who are not highly sensitive. That would show in a … maybe in the most obvious way, it is seen in children; a person who comes into a new setting will stand behind, observe, and then (that’s the internal process) when they assess that the situation is safe, they will proceed. Highly sensitive children are usually treated as they don’t know how to play or as they are shy and even dull, but it’s a strategy.

Other ways that this shows are also: highly sensitive reflect more, they think more – that also has ups and downs. And let’s start with the downs. Downs are: we can ruminate – I am a highly sensitive person, so I will also say we – we can ruminate about things that happened in the past more than it would be needed or more than other people do and we can also maybe even obsess with what might happen in the future because we are cautious; every change, everything unknown means new stimuli, new information that needs to be processed thoroughly. So that could be one side of the coin.

The other is a vivid imagination, a rich inner world, being like a bookworm, also creative … Let’s say we tend to reflect more, to think more and maybe to need more time to make decisions because we need more information, and that information needs to be processed more thoroughly so it takes more time and sometimes we might, because of it, we might seem indecisive, but that’s not necessarily true.

Margy: (6:42)

It’s interesting, one of the things that you talked about was the change, and the one thing that we can count on is constant change in our world and our environment. So, as a highly sensitive person, what would individuals, I mean, when you have a major change happening in your life, what are some of the things that would be needed for a person to be able to work through that?

Manca:

Well, first and foremost, I think it is being aware that this is a thing – that it’s an issue for a person more than it could be. Well, maybe I can start with this. If there is something new, if there’s a change that involves new things that the person hasn’t experienced yet, that means more time is needed, and it is more, hmm, let’s say dangerous, or one fears that more. However, if that situation involves something similar to what happened before, a highly sensitive individual can draw on the analysis that was made when these things have happened, when this thing happened for the first time and is able to react faster.

So I think knowing about the trait and knowing about oneself is the first and the very important step here – being educated about the trait and what this involves, so one is not afraid of the change as much as otherwise. And being aware that the change is one thing we cannot change could also help 🙂

Margy:

So as an individual, if it’s someone that has experienced something similar to what’s happening they can draw on that past experience and feelings to be able to move through it, so if you know you have a partner or a child or a friend who is highly sensitive and you see them potentially drawing back or struggling it’s just that they need more information – is that it, am I hearing that correctly, that they need? Since they don’t have the lived experience before being able to receive information, sit back, and process it in order to move forward, is that correct?

Manca: (9:47)

Yes, that’s correct, and I think the most important thing if you have a partner or a child who is highly sensitive or even a parent. It’s important for you as a significant other or a person that’s with them, it’s important also for you to be aware of what the trait means, what it involves, how it shows, and what the person needs. Because the last thing someone that’s afraid of change and anxious and nervous needs is someone who pressures them or tells them, “Don’t worry.” Or “Why are you so obsessed?” Or “Calm down, calm down!” That’s not going to help anyone. So, maybe first – after knowing what it is – to offer a safe environment, understanding environment, and presence and support with dealing with this stuff.

Sometimes even presence and being quiet could be enough. Or asking what they need, not necessarily making suggestions or offering solutions because that for them might not work. I’m pretty sure it won’t work because if someone is not highly sensitive, it’s very difficult to understand a highly sensitive person, and sometimes even highly sensitive persons do not understand themselves.

(both talking)

Margy:

We were both going at the same time. Sorry. Go ahead. Please finish.

Manca:

OK, I just wanted to add that if one does not know what to do in such situations, just offer your presence, support, and compassion and ask what they need. And if they don’t know, just be there. That’s the best one can do, I think.

Margy: (12:16)

I think we were both going at the same time because we were having the same thought. Because early on you talked about how individuals are curious and creative and so one of the things I was thinking as you were talking is if an individual needs to have that space and time … is asking questions, being curious about where they are at to help answer or provide information – because they are curious and they have the need for that additional information.

Manca:

Yeah.

I want to add the following:

Sometimes the best solution for a highly sensitive person, coping with change, could be not asking questions – if the person is already stressed, additional questions would only make it worse. Check with them what they want first. However, sometimes, input from a person who is not highly sensitive could help.

Margy:

It’s wonderful. Hmm, so, as you are working with individuals, what are some of the things that you do to help individuals discover more about themselves and their characteristics and how to maneuver and walk through life, you know, their journey as an individual.

Manca:

That’s another great question. When working with highly sensitive people, I think it’s most important first to educate them so they would know what they are like. Meaning physically as this trait. Because as this trait is just a trait, it is, at the same time, the trait that functions as a lens through which everything is perceived. So every decision, every experience is an experience through the lens of the trait. That also means that childhood impacts a highly sensitive person more because … like the echo would be stronger. Good things leave even better imprints on a person, and bad things leave an even worse imprint on a person, so it is very, hmm, I can’t remember the word, but it’s very impactful for the whole life of a highly sensitive individual.

So when I work with them, we first go through their life as it is in this moment so that we both have a perspective of what their life is right now, and with that, we usually touch upon the past or certain things where I offer them the link to high sensitivity; I explain that this might be linked to high sensitivity and how things turn out. Mainly I educate a lot but in terms of connecting that to their experience. I offer information, and they can then integrate that with everything we talk about.

(15:56)

And with that, I’d like to add another three characteristics, so I don’t forget because that’s important. All four interact with each other, influence each other, and make the life of a highly sensitive person the way it is because one has to adapt their life in a way to honor the trait.

So first one the first characteristic is the depth of processing.

The second one is sensitivity to subtleties. We notice what most people don’t notice, slight changes like we can see shifts in our peripheral view or slight differences, we spot mistakes, errors … it’s not always a pleasant trait because we can’t help to notice. But this is also … it comes from the brain, it’s not about the sight, the smell, the taste or the hearing – because I don’t see far very well, but I can notice the shift if something changes.

So, we notice, or we are bothered by the lesser smell, by not so bright light that other people wouldn’t be bothered, but for us, it’s too intense because our threshold is lower, we notice at a lower threshold, so our maximum is also lower. And that goes for the fabric as well, the harsh fabric like wool – everything starts to bother us sooner compared to people who are not highly sensitive. That also goes for pain, alcohol, all the stimulants, coffee, we get more “high “on everything. So that’s the second one. I tend to wander when I start talking about them.

The third one is stronger emotional reactions and stronger empathy, so it has two sides. Again, it originates in the brain. Stronger emotional reactions are linked to the depth of processing because if something needs to be processed more thoroughly, that means it has to be more important. So there need to be emotions in there. And with more emotions, there are stronger emotional reactions. And I like to say we are like this – I show oscillation with high ups and low downs, big amplitude with my hand – we react like this, we are explosive. And that goes for being happy or being sad so it goes both ways … or angry.

Hmm. And then stronger empathy. Stronger empathy has to do, again, with the brain, with the mirror neurons. In highly sensitive people, they discovered that mirror neurons are more active. Mirror neurons are the brain cells that help us learn by imitation. When we were children, we learned things that way. So these mirror neurons enable us to be able to feel what other people are feeling to an extent but most definitely to know what they are thinking or to know where they’re at. This energy goes between, we notice this, and this is also not always pleasant.

(20:48)

I wanted to add something here. Being highly sensitive does not equal to being an empath, I would just like to mention that. It’s a different thing, but we do have stronger empathy.

And if we take into account all of three, all of the previously mentioned characteristics, so the depth of processing, processing everything deeply, sensitivity to subtleties, so taking in one hundred stimuli instead of just twenty, being more emotionally reactive, being more empathetic, so that means a lot of stimuli coming in, being processed more thoroughly, more deeply, it has to show somewhere, right?

So the body gets tired quickly if it doesn’t receive pauses, alone time, quiet time, let’s say vacation from stimuli. So, regular daily pauses are needed. And if that is not the case, if the stimuli are too intense, all at once, or if stimuli are present for a prolonged period of time, the system gets overstimulated more easily; if this is not resolved, it gets over-aroused. If that is not resolved, it gets overwhelmed. And once overwhelmed, it takes approximately 20 minutes to recover because you are like: “I cannot take it anymore. “

For me, it’s like “I just want to turn the switch off and just evaporate somewhere, so I don’t feel it. “When I’m tired, hungry and people want something from me, it’s like “tilt “(meaning temporarily out of order, unavailable, off), I’m not here.

Margy:

Thank you for sharing the characteristics. I think I feel like we could dive so much deeper into each one of them, but I know that we have limited time together today.

So, I’m hoping that we get a chance to do this again and dive deeper into each of the characteristics and then also talk more about all of the tools. Because I know you have a lot of tools in your tool belt, a lot of different ways to approach this, to help people, to help families and individuals really work through this. So, I want to say thank you for your time today, and I look forward to our next conversation where we get to talk more and more in-depth about each of the characteristics.

Anything that you’d like to add before we go today?

Manca: (24:11)

Yes, maybe one thing that is important. As I mentioned: to pause, to have enough quiet, alone time. And to get more connected to the body to be able to monitor what the state of the body is, what the level of energy and arousal is. And to be able to stay in the body in the present time or to keep coming back, so we don’t overwhelm ourselves. So, that would be it.

Thank you, Margy, for your great questions and for your time.

Margy:

You are welcome. Thank you. We shall connect again soon. OK. Take care!

You can learn more about Margy Evans here.

You can learn more about me, Manca Klinar, here.

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